ordinary and oddinary

I write therefore I exist.

Project: who am I?

I’ve been doing lots of soul searching lately after reading Talane Miedaner’s book ‘Coaching yourself to a new career’. This book is not just about choosing a new career but a refreshing guideline to think deeper about what kind person you are.

Apparently my hidden motivators are ‘money/practicality’ and ‘knowledge/truth’. I must admit that’s correct. Sometimes the former is stronger than the latter or vice versa, these two are the drivers which influence my choices in life. For me another thing, which is as powerful as the aforementioned, is ‘being the best’.

I was a smart kid. I always tried to live up to my parents’ expectations. Even my family maxim was ‘Whatever you do, be the best in the world.’ Yes you heard me. The best IN THE WORLD. This has caused rather interesting but tragic consequences to my life. As I grew up, I met more people and saw more things. I met people who played the piano better than I did and studied with girls who scored higher marks in the math exam. Though I really enjoyed doing certain things and was quite good at them i.e. painting, drawing, playing the piano, studying, sprinting etc, I ended up giving up or getting less enthusiastic with those activities because at the back of my mind I heard a little voice whispering ‘you are good but not the best’.  Do you see the pattern?

It has kind of blocked me to go further with many of my interests. I talked myself out of them very easily. If I already know somebody who’s better than me, what’s the point of pursuing it anyway. Sounds familiar now? It sounds so bad but I’ve cut off all the buds of possibilities thanks to my parents’ set encouraging family maxim! 😦

Then what do I need to get over these not-so-productive hidden motivators?

Money/practicality: My husband and I make a good money. Our combined income is handsome and we have nice savings. So it’s ok not to be worked up about money. Not everything has to be practical..hmm really?? This one seems to need a bit more logic to convince me.

Knowledge/truth: I need stimulation. I hate boredom. So this is ok. However I can be manipulative sometimes.

Be the best: There is enough playground for very good people. I’m going to be the best for myself.

 Next, my personal requirements. These need to be met outside work. Let’s not push these at a delicate work situation.

Validation (appreciated/respected/liked/approved of, admired etc etc)
Control/Power
Perfection/tidiness/order
Balance/harmony/peace/time alone

My core values: Discover, Create, Feel and Relate.

When I picked these 4 core values of mine, no wonder I’m frustrated with my job. My job doesn’t cover any of these. The book said if I want a long-term satisfaction, I must put my career in line with my core values. I know I know..I’m working on it!

Discover: I’ll carry on refining my Spanish. I will travel a bit more around Spain.

Create: I love cooking/baking and drawing. I love colour. I’m gonna take an art class as well. Currently I’m taking a flamenco lesson. I love music & art. I love writing.

Feel:  I like senses. I’m very sensitive to smell, touch, flavour, sound and so on. My regular massage gives me so much relaxation and I may find some time to learn it too.

Relate/communicate: This blog will help!

So, what can I do to combine all these?

Ah, I’ve also asked around my friends and family that what I’m good at. I will write later.

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2 thoughts on “Project: who am I?

  1. Pingback: Joy of baking « ordinary and oddinary

  2. Pingback: Simple life – Declutter declutter! (1) « ordinary and oddinary

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